(Vipassana pronounced vi–PAH–shun–a …or… vi-PA-shun-a)
I wrote this shortly after the experience. I attended this retreat in the summer of 2005.
Vipassana is a meditation technique that I knew nothing about until I
was there dedicating the next ten days to it. I had heard about it
from a wonderful book called Holy Cow, by Sarah MacDonald. She attends a
Vipassana retreat while she is in India, and it intrigued me. Ten days
of silence. That means no talking, no eye contact or any contact. No
writing or reading. Turning off one's thoughts as much as possible. It
was a beautiful though grueling experience that I wouldn't trade for
the world. :)
My account is a little lengthy, but I like to think it's worth it. :) Enjoy!
Cast of Characters
I never knew the names of many people there until the tenth day when
we were allowed to speak again, so I had my own names that I made up in
my head. These are the ones I remember, their nicknames, their real
names if I remember, and the stories about them.
Dayna – the girl who gave me a ride there and back… my new wonderful
friend. If I hadn’t known her name, she would have been Speedwalker or
Rocking Girl - She would stand looking at the creek shifting her weight
from one foot to the other. Very nice girl, 30 years old. Vegan and
Wal-Mart free since January. She also works with Kristy’s stepdad for
Environment Canada! Small world hey?
Angie – AKA Yoga Lady – shared a room with Dayna. She is a 39 year
old yoga instructor… (I thought they were supposed to be healthy and
spiritually balanced and stuff… I don’t know about that anymore.) She
eats meat, first of all… but not like the many other people there, and
most normal people that eat meat… She seemed angry about the “simple
vegetarian meals” that we were to be provided (which were amazing by the
way), and about only getting fruit for supper. “FRUIT?!” she exclaimed
on registration night, “I don’t eat fruit and vegetables! I eat
meat!” She also complained about only being allotted 6 ½ hours for
sleep. Ten hours she claimed to require! Is that even healthy? She also had big issues
about having to share a room, “I would have paid $150 EXTRA for that!”
Yeah, but that’s not what this is about. Give what you will give. Don’t
let it depend on how you feel your amenities have been fulfilled. That’s what renunciation is all about. I was given my own room (for
stretching, because of my sciatica and having to sit in one position without moving
for long periods), but if this was on her terms, I wouldn’t have got it
because it would have gone to the highest bidder. Dayna later said she would
blow dry her hair at 4am (when we were awakened by a bell/gong, and was
straightening her bangs…for who? Complete separation of men and women,
honey! No one cares what you look like here!
On Day 3, I noticed she wasn’t in her spot in the meditation hall for
one of the group sits…which is odd because you had to come to those.
But her stuff was still there, so she couldn’t have left. At supper,
there she was looking disgusted and picking at her leftover portion of
tofu stroganoff that I wanted to grab from her ungrateful paws. At the
next group meditation her stuff was gone from her spot. She lasted three days. Dayna said her stuff just disappeared from their room too,
neither her nor Leah saw her leave. This is after she spent the last
ten years trying to get the nerve to come…what a pity.
Leah – AKA Hog Face and other horrible things. She shared a room
with Dayna too. I had some rage for this girl at times. Dayna had
warned me that I may end up feeling negatively about people around me,
and she was very right. It seems that since I couldn’t talk, everything
just built up and agitated me…very normal for this process, I
understand now. No communication also creates miscommunication, from
too many assumptions. Poor Leah got a lot of negativity from me. When
Yoga Lady left I saw Leah eating supper – not just fruit…and I thought
she had taken the one set out for Yoga Lady, and I was outraged and
appalled! How could she?! I’m just as hungry as you are, and that
doesn’t belong to you! This goes to demonstrate that miscommunication
factor. And not knowing, having that uncertainty about why things were
happening was frustrating.
But I learned an important lesson… On the morning before we left, we stayed to
help clean up. I was on kitchen duty and there was a sign… “Special
Diets: Angie (crossed out), Leah (crossed out) and Tammy.” So maybe
that dinner was hers. Maybe she had been allowed to eat and then went
to them and said, “no I will try to do it properly…” and that’s why she
was crossed out and ate fruit only like the rest of us the other days. I
never asked her. And it doesn’t matter. My rage has since subsided
over the issue. Leah is very nice. I regret all that negativity
of mine that she had to bear. She is 27 and works for the police as a
crime data something or other… She is also training to run a
marathon…20 miles or something crazy.
She told me on Day 10, how I irritated her every breakfast… I don’t
usually eat breakfast at all – but knew I better eat something there – I
would only have fruit (except for the first and last days when I also
had a tiny bit of granola cereal). She said she would be screaming at
me in her head, “EAT DAMN IT EAT! You are going to be soooo hungry!!”
I, however, did not share my thoughts about her with her…
Ki or maybe Qi (pronounced K-eye) – AKA Giggly Joe. This guy always
made my day. He was ALWAYS smiling. Always looked like he was having
the time of his life. He would watch other people a lot (so did I, so
did Leah…most people just looked down and were very good at pretending they were alone. It's really hard though. The sociologist in me has to watch
people. Anyway, there were also plenty of times I saw him outright
laughing, always silently, but sometimes very hard! Afterwards I told
him that he always brightened my day and he told me he came there very
depressed, and this experience has helped that a lot. It showed. I find
it interesting that he found such positive feelings in a time that
challenged me so much.
Quinn – probably in her late 20’s early 30s, no nickname, but I noted
her mostly for her eating habits. I met her on registration night at
supper, and she commented that she comes twice a year to the retreats,
and she absolutely loves it – except the food. She despises the food; she
likes Vietnamese food. So one day I'm watching her at breakfast. She
goes to the table with all the condiments with a bowl. She pours a
layer of hot sauce in the bowl. Hmmm… ok. Then she grabs the salt.
And starts salting. And continues salting. For a very long time. Leah
and I exchanged glances (which is counted as communication and would be
against the rules…oops). I got up to rinse my plate and she was still
salting, I was beginning to wonder if she knew it was coming out. I
walked behind her and peaked over her shoulder at this thick white
blanket of salt on the red hot sauce. Oh my! Then she went to her
table and took her bread rolled it and stirred the salty hot sauce with it, and
proceeded to dip her bread in this concoction. I was amazed. And
amused. What an excellent improvisation! Maybe Angie should have been taking
notes from her on how to put up with situations that are less than perfect.
Hannah – AKA Comfy PJ Girl. She was always wearing a silk pajama
set. She had two or three of them and that's all she would wear. When I
talked to her on Day 10 she said she got a room by herself, and has a
fear of the dark and of night, and she loathed it. I told her maybe the Universe saw that as something she
needed to work on while she was there. She totally agreed and had
already thought of that.
Loretta – sat beside me in the Meditation hall, never had a name for
her since I could see it every day in front of her spot and knew it
well. I spoke to her on the phone before the retreat, I was supposed to
get a ride home with her, because Dayna was supposed to be going to go to her dad’s
afterwards, but ended up changing her mind. During one meditation, right
near the beginning, she lost it. She started sobbing, to the point
that Heather (the female manager came over and asked if she wanted to go to
her room… which she declined. What a trooper.
Tomiko – AKA Crying Girl. She also lost it during a meditation too,
only she went running out. I learned later that she is Dutch, but her
dad wanted to name her this Japanese name, even though he wasn’t into
Japanese culture and didn’t know anything about the name. She learned
when she was older, that it means spiritually enlightened, or something similar… Interesting how we grow into our names sometimes. ...However, she never lifted a finger to
help clean on the last morning before leaving, like the vast majority of
people did. In fact, she backed her SUV up to the front doors to load
her stuff in, slowing, and stopping altogether, the people who were
trying to load the dishes and things that belong to the Vipassana organization. Nice.
Patti – very nice lady that I met on Day 10. She teaches at a
Montessori school in Saskatoon. She says her friends tell her she’s too
extreme. I told her I’d take that as a compliment. After talking with
her for some time about Reiki and Vipassana, and other healing
techniques, I got her email address. I look forward to keeping in touch
with her. She has a very nice energy.
Tammy – AKA Preggo. Pregnant girl who got a meal for supper…and I
didn’t hold it against her. On the last day I learned that her
husband was also here. And they are Quakers…which I knew nothing about
until I looked it up just now.
Smiley Joe – don’t know his real name. He sat at the back of the
hall and when I’d pass him on my way out, he would always have a subtle
smile on his face.
Curly – Blonde curly-haired guy who had taken yoga classes from
Angie. She saw him and mentioned it, and then a little later he came
bounding up to her exclaiming proudly that he knew nothing about what he
was in for. I talked to him on Day 10 and told him I'd named him Curly.
Andrew – AKA Funny Hair – A guy that looked about 17 years old. He usually
wore a toque, and the first time he wasn’t wearing it, I saw why… His
hair was all over the place…and greasy in spots. Funny
though, it was. He was always the first one in the meditation hall, and
the last one to leave. And he would sit perfectly still at all times.
I rarely saw him move at all, the whole time…including opening his
eyes. To me, he appeared to be a model student, but according to Curly,
Andrew had said his mind was everywhere else, and though he sat still
in body, he was unfocused and found it difficult to concentrate.
Cora/Cornelia – introduced herself as Cora, but the name in front of
her meditation "nest" stated, Cornelia. Very nice lady who travelled
from BC because this course fit her schedule better. She camped all the
way here and back…with the exception of sleeping in her car one night
because it was raining so hard. She sat on the other side of me in the
hall.
Anita - AKA The Nurse – thought she looked like a nurse… and then she
wore “property of Royal Alexandra Hospital” pants. And on Day 10, I
overheard Leah ask her if she was a nurse, and she said, “yes, why?”,
“cause you look like one”. I jumped in and agreed. She sat in front of
me in the hall. She had a beautiful sarong with elephants and Indian
print designs that reminded me of Ganesh and brought me comfort (since
we weren’t allowed to pray or do or have anything of a religious nature).
Irma – the Indian Lady – the only one. One time when I saw her and
thought something about her to myself, in my head I called her “the
other Indian lady”… hahahaha… then I laughed at me.
Many Others – One older lady who thought that slapping mosquitoes
to try to kill them was perfectly okay (we aren’t supposed to harm any
living being while there – that includes mosquitoes). She also came up
to me pointing at her wrist to ask the time once. This breaks the no
communication rule – gestures count. However, I learned on the last day
that she had never meditated in her life, ever, before coming there. So kudos to her. Lots of older men and women, that didn’t look like
they belonged there. One of the old men looked like a man I saw at the
Temple with Subani the weekend before…he looked out of place there too. For interests' sake, most of us were white, aside from a large group of Vietnamese people
who all seemed to know each other, a couple of older Asian ladies, and the one lone
Indian lady.
There were about 40 of us in total…I think 25 women, 15 men, if my
counting was correct. And oddly enough 15 of them reminded me of
someone else – sometimes people I knew specifically, or they had other strangely familiar qualities that I couldn’t quite place. FIFTEEN. That’s crazy.
Heather – the female manager. Very nice lady. We were supposed to
go to her with any issues like comfort, food, etc. Anything material.
We could whisper to her whenever necessary.
Mary – the female instructor. She had this Grace about her. She
wore beautiful clothes in pastel colours, looked angelic most of the
time. And I decided that if Jesus were female, she would be him. I
felt like she should be putting her hand on my head and calling me, “my
child”. We could make an appointment to see the teachers during noon
hour, or ask questions in front of others between 9:00 and 9:30pm.
Gerry – male instructor. He and Mary are married…Gerry and
Mary…funny. He reminded me of a combination of the store manager at
work, Jeff, and a little of my dad’s voice for some reason, just a hint
of it in there… (for the tiny bit he spoke), usually, “the new students
will stay and meditate with us in the hall, the old students may stay
here or meditate in their own residences” and “if there are no
questions, take rest”. It bugged me that he did all of the talking
unless a female student had a question – then the female teacher
answered…but other all times the group was addressed, it was by him.
S.N. Goenka – the guy in the video. He learned Vipassana himself
from Sayagyi U Ba Khin. They had discussed how when Buddha invented
this form of meditation, he said it would spread all over the world in
2500 years…and it had been 2500 years. So they wondered, when is this
going to happen then?? After practising for 14 years, Goenka taught
his mother and father and 12 other people in his first course, in India
(he was born in Burma). Then those people told others and people kept
coming to him asking to be taught and he couldn’t turn them away, so the
courses just came together. He started travelling all over India, and
then to other countries teaching many, and passing on this technique.
Well who knew he would be the one accidentally responsible for bringing
Vipassana all over the world?Interesting. Especially for someone who
was packing his bags on the second day of his first ten day course, until
he was stopped by one of the other students, who said, “just give it
one more day!”
Things that made me Laugh/Smile
One day, when I was going out of the building Quinn was coming in,
and when she opened the door I was right there. She was startled and
jumped. It was so funny. We both started to laugh silently and she
turned and walked away. And when I stepped outside I saw her doubled over in silent laughter.
At one meal-time after it had hailed (that story is on its way), the
hail was still in big piles in some places (and this was the next day!
and it had been very warm outside. This was summer.) After eating, Ki
walked back to the men’s residence, and I watched him walk across the
parking lot. He looked down and inspected the hail pile… then touched
it, and then grabbed a handful. He continued walking to where I
couldn’t see him anymore… Then a half a second later this hail ball goes
soaring across the parking lot… I almost laughed out loud. It was so
out of place and unexpected. I needed that. :)
This smelly, dirty, very friendly dog would always come along and
make his rounds with us when we'd be sitting outside…getting petted and
played with by everyone in turn… On my way outside one day, I saw Heather, the
female manager making a sign, “do not interact with…” I thought it was
going to say, “the kitchen staff” or something…it turned out to say,
“the dog”. But no one had seen this sign yet. So I go sit down and the
dog is doing rounds. Everyone is petting him, and Leah picks up a
stick and plays fetch with him for a while, until Heather comes along,
whispers something in her ear, and she promptly sits down. (That’s when I
knew what the sign was going to say.) But no one else had seen it yet.
One lady was walking, for exercise, in circles around the perimeter.
She had her tea and sweater sitting on the patio. The dog comes along
and grabs her sweater. Takes off with it…shaking it like a rag,
dragging it through the mud, rolling around with it, chewing on it…
Have you ever seen someone try to communicate with an animal without
words? It's incredibly entertaining! Everyone was snickering silently.
Some were trying to help. Eventually the lady got her sweater back, I
almost clapped. It was among the most entertaining events of the entire ten days.
Bonding with insects. There were two spiders that I played with.
One of them even held hands with me! I tapped my finger in front of it and it
didn't run away. It just lifted its leg at me. And I touched its leg
and it still didn’t run away. So I put my finger down in front of it
and it set its “paw” on my finger. I was touched (literally!).
There was another bug that I bonded with, I don’t know what it was.
Kinda beetle-like, giant antennae and though it was black, it had white
speckles on it back. It had wings but was a very bad flier. It would
take off and then fly into something and fall. Entertaining! I named
this bug (and every other one like it, Roger. Don’t know why, that’s
just what popped in my head when I wanted to name it. :)
On the very first day, when I was about to go to sleep and discovered
a fly in my room (that I wasn’t allowed to kill)…I was kind of annoyed
so I grabbed my cup and a piece of paper. On my first try I caught
it with the cup and was able to usher it out to the hallway…only to find
a second one… but it was okay, because I caught that one too, on the
first try again! Hmm… maybe the insects all knew there was no desire
to hurt them for those ten days. (Unless you count the lady swatting at mosquitoes.)
At the beginning and end of the group meditations they would play
Goenka singing a chant, with silence during the rest of the meditation.
One day, when the teacher put on the end chant, it was a little loud
and someone on the guys’ side was audibly startled. Someone started to
snicker. Someone else started to snicker. (Both on the guys’ side)
Then someone lost it…not just laughing, but all the funny sounds that
come out when trying to hold back laughter. Snorts and spits and such…
It was hilarious. And I had just had a great meditation (that I will
tell you about next) so it made me smile, broadly… and as I was enjoying
the moment… then the male teacher yelled, “Quiet!” I was startled - and
appalled! Wouldn't a simple, “shhh” have been enough? His yelling gave me a
big blast of negativity I didn’t need. But later Goenka (on the tape)
mentioned that sometimes it may seem that the teacher is tough, but they
have to be to keep you on track, and that it's always done with
compassion, kindness and love. (It was very interesting how things
would happen – like this situation, and like other things I would think
of or wonder about that would be addressed that night or the next, on
the evening discourse (the video of Goenka that they played).
One meditation, I was in a lot of pain, but had good concentration
going, and something happened… my hands felt like they were expanding.
Becoming larger than normal…then the rest of my body followed… I felt
HUGE! And everything felt far away. And the pain in my back melted
away.
Now flashback to my childhood… when I was little when I’d be falling
asleep (and often it was when I was overtired), I would get that same
feeling, usually starting with the feeling that everything was farther
away than it actually was and then followed by the expansion sensation. And when I
would open my eyes, my parents’ clock in their room across the hall
would physically appear to be far away…and when I would sit up these
feelings would pass. It really scared me the first few times and I
didn’t know what was happening (I still don’t, I suppose). And I asked
someone about it once and they looked at me like I was nuts, so I said I
must have been dreaming and decided to never speak of it again. It
happened often enough that I became very certain I wasn’t dreaming it.....and
it still happens to this day.
Anyway, flash forward again now… so there I was in meditation and
experiencing this again. I think it may be attributed more to my being
overtired than to the meditation. But it was cool! And I held on to that
feeling for as long as I could. Then that night we learned that even
pleasant sensations ‘arise and pass away’ and that we shouldn’t try to
hold on to them, just let them pass as they will. Oops.
Things that made me Angry/Agitated/Sad
-Upon first entering the meditation hall, I noticed this *click*
every once in a while, coming from somewhere just outside the hall.
After very little time I realized that this click sounded every five to seven breaths. At first it really bothered me, especially after a few
sits, so upon realizing it wasn’t ever going to stop for the whole ten
days, I thought I better get used to it. Eventually I started to use it
as my reminder to focus my wandering mind. Goenka had said that if
your mind wanders for five or ten minutes before you notice, that’s okay. If
it's 20 minutes, then it's something you better work on. I was
definitely in the five to ten minute range, and hearing that was
encouraging. And this was even before I made the annoying Click my
helper. Later on in the week, when I had loads of negativity happening, I
would let my mind wander away sometimes for nearly entire sits. I was
frustrated and had had enough. Now I see, not only how wasteful of
precious time that was, but also how harmful that can be, just
reinforcing old habits.
-Hannah opened the curtains just before one of the hour sits started
so that I ended up spending the hour feeling my arm sizzle in the sun.
However, at one point I opened my eyes (quickly so the teachers wouldn’t
see), and though my arm still felt as though the sun was scorching it,
the sun had since moved and was not shining on me anymore… hmm…
-Flies, and especially mosquitoes in the meditation hall. After one
meditation with a lot of sensations on my hand, I opened my eyes to find
SEVEN mosquito bites all within a square inch on my hand. At one
point, during one sit with a lot of buzzing in the air, I was getting
sensations in my ear and though I knew nothing really went in my ear, I
was having flashbacks of that scene in Brokedown Palace when the girl
gets a beetle in her ear, and goes all nuts. …and then the rest of
the movie played through my head, and I cried because it is such a
sad and moving movie.
-There were many people crying during the sits. I heard some
coming from the guys’ side too. It is a very emotional process. There
were two times that people burst into tears. Other people crying always
made me cry too. I have the (slightly unfortunate) talent of feeling other
people’s pain, both physical and emotional, but I also feel others' excitement and happiness so it balances out.
-One time - just after we started Vipassana training – when we had to
sit without moving at all… and I was in serious pain, and Goenka’s
ramble (telling us what we should be focusing on and whatnot) was
playing, and I knew that as soon as he was done we would get to go back
to our rooms and I could be comfortable again. I cried silently as he
went on and on…normally I loved his repetitiveness. It was soothing and
calming…this particular occasion it was driving me nuts and making me
agitated and angry.
-The first two entire days…I couldn’t eat. I was so hungry though. And
even though I slept well, I was falling asleep during the meditations.
I put up with feeling this way for two days (which seemed like an
eternity), and then decided I better talk to the teachers. So I made an
appointment, even though I felt silly. When my turn came, I said, “I
hope I’m not wasting your time over something silly but…” Mary said
falling asleep is normal. Your mind likes its cravings and aversions and
doesn’t like you telling it what to do, so that’s its way of trying to
stop its training… so she suggested going for a walk or something to
wake up - but then she added, but not during meditation time... Well
then when? That’s when it happens, and I do go for walks in my spare
time…so what else? (The rest of the days I decided to sleep in. When
the bell went at 4, I would turn on my light, and then at 430, when we
were all supposed to be meditating, I would turn it off again. :) At
least this way I could concentrate on my other meditations, so I didn’t
feel guilty. It turns out they gave one of the guys permission to do
that since he was having issues too.) As for the not being able to eat
– about 20 minutes after talking to them, the big knot in my stomach
melted away. That night – when Angie was poking at her delicious tofu
stroganoff, this is the main reason I wanted to scratch her eyes out for
it. I had an appetite again! Finally!! And there she was picking at a
delicious meal!
-I knew before I started that I was not to do Reiki while I was
there, and if I were to want to take the course a second time, that I
have to give up Reiki altogether. I didn’t like this idea, and thought
that taking the course would clear up any reasoning as to why this is.
Well it didn’t, and that frustrated me, so I asked. And Mary said,
“with Reiki you are drawing on energy from an outside source, with
Vipassana you are looking inside. If you continue to do Reiki you may
end up bringing in energy during Vipassana.” This answer sounded canned
and didn’t satisfy me. In fact it angered me. If I was expected to
shut Reiki off for this ten day course…then why couldn’t I turn it on
and off otherwise? It seemed like this is what they were told to say to
this question. Maybe she doesn’t know anything about Reiki. But now. upon
further contemplation I think I understand why. Equanimity. If we are
supposed to remain equanimous with our bodily sensations then Reiki-ing
away pain, is implying to your body that you will satisfy its cravings
and perhaps that we require something outside ourselves to obtain
perfection - when really we already are perfect - bodily discomfort and
all. I don’t think I agree though, with the first part anyway.
Update: Something I find very interesting is that
while this was all happening, I kept waiting for it to be over. Stewing
in self-pity and longing for normalcy, I thought, this is hell, I will
never ever do this again, and I will never recommend it to anyone. But
as soon as it was over, it felt different – I felt different. And now, I
do miss it. I long for the deep silence and structure, and the
remoteness from everything I know…that retreat – not only into nature
and away from others, but into one’s Self. :) There’s a lot going on
in there, and if we go forward ignoring it, we won’t ever truly
understand anything, about ourselves or our world. We may think we do.
But we would be limited without that self knowledge and inner Peace. I find it interesting that it is in silencing the mind, that inner wisdom appears.
The Weather
The first seven days was rain then sun, then rain, then sun, then
rain, then sun… you get the idea. The interesting thing is the majority
of the rain was while we were inside meditating, or sleeping (which is
great 'cause I love the sound of rain), and the majority of the sunshine
was while we were allowed to be outside. It was perfect.
The exception was the hail… the first night (I assume so anyway – I
thought it was rain at the time, but when it hailed later I recognized
the thunderous sounds.), and Days 1 and 4, it hailed. The second time
(Day 1) it was so forceful that some of the hail was smashing as it hit
the patio. (I found myself worrying about Dayna’s car.) And
the places where it collected heavily (where the eaves emptied) it
stayed through the next entire day (and it was HOT that day)…and made
for great snow/hail balls...as previously mentioned.
Phrases I heard (often repeatedly) over the ten days:
- “Everything that rises up, passes away”
- “Work diligently, diligently…patiently and persistently…ardently…”
- “Focus your entire attention on the top of your head… top of your
head” (said in a very slightly higher pitch the second time, most of the
time)
- “Bhavatu Sabba Mangalam” repeated three times…and followed up by us (if
you chose) by “Sadhu…sadhu…sadhu.” Meaning, “May all beings be happy”
and “Well said, we agree!”
- “Remain perfectly equanimous.”
- “…this god or that goddess…this religion or that religion…this culture or that culture…it doesn't matter…”
- “Shhhhh…” (in my own head…when my thoughts were loud or demanding, and when my mind would wander during meditation.)
Songs in my head:
**My Girl – usually when I was sitting in the sun watching the clouds, because of the line, “I got sunshine, on a cloudy day…”
**Sloop John B – when I was having a rough patch, “I feel so broke
up, I wanna go home…” and of course, “this is the worst trip, I’ve ever
been on…”
**I Love my Computer – (a Bad Religion song) I’m sure the band would
not approve of my actually meaning that, as the song is very sarcastic
in that sense…but I indeed missed my computer in a fun and hopefully not
too unhealthy way.
**Two Babies in the Dark – another Bad Religion song…which I assume I
thought of because it sounds quite similar to I Love my Computer.
**Thank You – a school song – (“thank you, for waking me this
morning, thank you, for every sky of blue, thank you, for every new day
dawning, I’ll be thanking you.” …or something like that…) during my good moods.
…And of course many others that weren’t nearly as often (or persistent).
Things I learned:
- Twenty minutes can fly by, while one day can feel like a week.
- My mind is very vocal, and demanding, and persistent. It goes on
and on and on. And trying to quiet it through things like meditation
and a full ten days of it like this, really proves how loud and obnoxious
it can be. However, thoughts and thought processes are so interesting,
and I enjoyed analyzing them, which is just more thinking, and
defeating the purpose of trying to attain some level of mental quiet.
- Yes! Itches DO go away if you leave them alone. I never knew
that! Having never broken any bones before this and never having to
wear a cast, I was under the impression that itches are there so that
you scratch them and that if you don’t, they will continue. I was
wron
- Stopping to smell the flowers (literally sometimes) is very
important to mental peace. Taking time for those little things that we
always miss, has such a calming and grounding effect.
Funny and/or Interesting Stories Goenka told:
(there are sooo many, and I don’t remember most of them) and I don’t
know if I can truly do them justice, but I will try) He would always
give many examples of everything. :)
-There was a learned man, a professor giving lectures on a ship. One
man watched his lecture and then spoke with him after. The professor
asked, “do you know about geology?” “No, professor. I have never been
to school. I don’t know about this geology you speak of.” “What a
shame! Geology is the study of the earth we live on, it is very
important! You have wasted one quarter of your life!” The man leaves
feeling sad and bad about himself. The next day he returns for another
lecture. Again, they speak afterwards. The professor asks, “do you
know about oceanology?” “No sir, as I have told you, I am uneducated. I
don’t know about these things.” “Pity! Oceanology is the study of the
oceans…3/4 of our earth is covered by oceans, it is very important to
understand them! You have wasted half your life!” Again, the man
leaves feeling so badly… but returns on the third day. After this
lecture, they converse again, “do you know about meteorology?” The man
sighs, “I have told you sir, I know about none of these things. I am
not smart like you.” The professor frowns, “it is the study of weather.
Weather is all around us, it effects everything we do, all the time.
It is very important to know about weather. You have wasted three
quarters of your life!” The man feels absolutely terrible to have
wasted so much time, not learning all of these important things. The
next day the man comes running to the lecture, “Professor!! Professor!!
Do you know about swimology?” “Swimology?? What are you talking about?
What is swimology?” “It is the study of swimming! Do you know how to
swim?” “Why no, I don’t…” the professor confesses. “Well the ship’s
going down, so I guess you’ve wasted all of your life!”
-A woman is distraught by the loss of her baby, she had heard about
Buddha and the great things he has done for people, that he is a Holy
man. So she takes the body of her son to him, and asks him to wake him.
She refuses to accept that he has even died. Buddha says, “Okay. I will
help you. But to do this I will need five sesame seeds… you must go to
the village and find five homes that will give you a sesame seed.
However…the seed must come from a home where no one has died.” She is
so excited to have found someone who will help her! So she goes to
village to begin her search. From house to house, she finds each is
willing to give her a seed, but not one, has ever been without death.
And soon it sinks in, and she realizes that death is inevitable, and
that it touches everyone. The knowledge and realization of our own
impermanence eased her suffering. She returned to Buddha to tell him of
her discovery, and to learn more from him.
The Theory behind Vipassana
Human suffering is brought on by our cravings and aversions. We want
what we don’t have and we don’t want what we have. All religions agree
with this, but none tell you how to get past it. Vipassana is meant
to train you not to respond to your mind’s every whim. We should
be in control of it, not allow it to be in control of us. Sitting in meditation,
and not responding to itches and pains, and even to the good
sensations…seeing that everything that rises up soon passes away. And
that goes for everything…EVERYTHING in the universe…even stars and
galaxies don’t last forever. Long ago Indian sages learned this fact,
they knew that our cells divide and dissect themselves “tens of
trillions of times per second”. And recently, western scientists have
proven this… cells die and are reborn 10, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000,
000 times per second. We are dying every second that we are living.
This isn’t a bad thing, just a fact. So if this is the case, why do we
spend our lives being angry and generating negativity? If we can live
our lives being mindful of the fact that everything will someday pass,
it will lessen the cravings of things we want, and lessen the burden of
things that cause stress in our lives…because it truly doesn’t matter.
Equanimity. Once we start living this way, “I” and “me” and “mine”
melt away, because we realize that we are all One, and petty things like
ownership don’t matter.
There are three levels of understanding :
**Devotionally – Believing in something because a wise person, or scripture tells you it is so.
**Intellectually – Understanding it. Doing your own research and knowing that the theory makes sense.
**Experientially – Knowing it. Experiencing something, and thereby understanding at the deepest, truest level.
Vipassana allows you to know your own Truth experientially.
The Buddha always said, “Don’t listen to what I tell you…learn and know it for yourself.”
1 October 2009
